Recently on the radio I heard a re-make of one of my favorite Rich Mullins songs by Big Daddy Weave. Though I prefer the original, it's good to hear an oldie-but-goodie being played. If you haven't heard it before, I put out the lyrics. It gives a great image of our smallness and insufficiency before God's majesty and power, like a child calling out for comfort to an all-sufficient Father.

~~~~~~~~~~Hold Me Jesus

Well, sometimes my life Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
And this Salvation Army band Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

It's raining, it's pouring...

Today is the perfect day to curl up on the couch under a soft blanket, drink a cup of tea and snack on something sweet, watch Pride and Prejudice from beginning to end(the mini-series version with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth--not the one with that awful Keira Knightley) and listen to the rain.
What do you think the chances are that my boss will let me do that at my desk??? Hmmm...

How Sweet

Yesterday, we went out to Disneyland with our friends, Matt and Natalie, and their adorable daughter. It wasn't until we got there that we realized it was a blackout day and the passes were no good. We figured since we drove all the way out there we'd just enjoy Downtown Disney, and we did! Little Katelyn was bouncing around and giggling about everything. She hardly noticed that she couldn't go on the actual rides.

Fears and Perfection, a interesting dichotomy.

Almost immediately after Josh and I got married, we started getting asked about babies. "Do you want to start a family?" "What about kids?" "When?" "How many?" etc, etc... Whether I want it to or not, thoughts about having children just sort of stick in my head and I can see it starting to affect my perception of almost everything. Unfortunately, that has translated into something I never expected: terror.
Since my perception is more open to baby-stuff, I am noticing more and more stories (from people I know and have friendships with) about all the potential problems with pregnancy, birth defects, and syndromes. And I can honestly say that it terrifies me, so much so that there have been days that I feel consumed by it. I have to force myself to contemplate on the fact that God- who flung stars into the sky and created the mountains and counts the sand- only knows perfection, and that He doesn't make mistakes.
I don't mean to sound cliche, but I am drawn to Psalm 139. Not only v.13-16, but the whole chapter. He knows all my ways. God knows the words on my tongue before I speak (v1-4). God knows my fears and understands them. He has also given me His Word that I may find solace and be reminded of His perfect grace that transcends even the worst circumstances. And I know, even if it's hard to believe, that if the Lord gives us children they will be formed by His perfect and protective hands. That the design and shape of their bodies will be intentional, even determined before time (v16). Sometimes I have to remind myself to meditate on what I know is true and that if things don't go the way I would choose, it doesn't mean my life is out of His control and plan.
I read somewhere that many people use blogs to be more "open" than they could be verbally. I guess that is what this is. But these are my thoughts, and it's better for me to put them out there than keep it welling up inside of me.

New Duds...

Can ya dig it??

Am I the only one?

Since I discovered the world of blogging, it's become a favorite pastime. My husband likes to call me a blog whore. I know, he should be ashamed of his potty mouth, but... I have to admit that he's right. I often get lost in the world of blogging and find myself catching up on the latest in the lives of people I've never met. I find the links are like tractor beams, drawing me in. It makes me wonder. Why are we so interested in other people's lives? Why do paparazzi follow celebs around so we can read about in People magazine? Why are there so many television shows about people's lives and all the problems they have?
Is it because we have a human tendency to look for reasons to covet someone else's lifestyle or belongings? Are we looking to boost our own opinion of ourselves by watching someone else's life spiral downward? Maybe we just simply find pleasure in someone else's joys, and companionship in their struggles. Whether or not we want to admit it, we probably fall into all of these categories at one time or another.
I think my primary motivation is found in the latter. I really enjoy reading about people I knew in college, even if I only knew them remotely. I find encouragement in reading how friends and strangers are finding counsel and guidance in God's Word and mercy. It reminds me that my God is a big God. I am blessed to read about the joys of adoption and motherhood from many other blogs of people I know as well as those all around the US.
I've never been a big Internet junkie. I'd rather watch a movie or have lunch with a friend. But somehow I'm grateful for the chance to experience a little glimpse of what other people experience every day.

Just a few highlights

To start off our marathon of Christmas concerts, we went to Disneyland's Candlelight Concert with a group of friends. It's a really great concert where dozens of local church, school, and city choirs sang carols intermixed with a reading of the Christmas story.
And not the "Night before Christmas" Christmas story. They read the actual account from Luke about the lowly birth of the Lord Jesus Christ. This year it was read by Jane Seymore (from Dr. Quinn). Last year we saw Andy Garcia. For anyone who lives in So.Cal, it's a really fun thing to do. I'd recommend it to anyone.

Two of my dear friends threw a lovely Christmas Tea. It was a chance for some girly fellowship to talk about and enjoy the Christmas season together. It was really great and I hope it's an annual event!

Josh and I were so proud of our first Christmas tree. So proud that we're letting it turn into kindling in our living room! Oops...

My first stocking!! Being from a family that had zero hint of Santa Claus in our Christmases, I've never had a stocking. For my first stocking, Josh filled it with lots of goodies, including a DVD that he really bought for himself. Sneaky Sneaky.

It's been a while!

It's hard to believe the holiday season for 2007 has already come and long gone. Here we are, into January, and this month is going to be over before I know it. I'm excited for all that 2008 has in store, but I have to admit that I'm clinging to the end of 2007 with all that I have. Our Christmas decorations are still out and the tree is still standing and decorated. I guess it's a combination of avoiding the inevitable and being too busy to just do it.
We had an eventful Christmas season, this being our first Christmas as a family. We went Christmas concerting (4x), a Christmas Eve servicing, Ladies' Christmas Tea attending, family dinners eating, family game time facilitating (the boys rocked the girls at Sequence), gift exchanging, movie-watching, and a head-cold getting.
Josh and I spent Christmas morning in the cozy of our own home with a fire and some blankets and our beautiful tree. After we gave our gifts to each other, we mozied on over to Josh's parent's house for more celebrating and a very delcious brunch, compliments of Mama Hilliger.
Unfortuantely, because of Christmas being on a Tuesday, we didn't get any time off work, so it was back to the grind the next day. But, lucky me! I got a serious head cold that week and was sick all the way through New Year's day and then some. We spent a rockin' New Year's on the couch under blankets and empty kleenex boxes. Oh well...we'll make up for it next year!
Here's to a new year: May it be full of blessings, challenges, joys, and God's grace to cover it all.